Photo by Paul Clermont Ding! Dong! The Wedding Bells Will Ring!
by SE O'Callaghan


Something Old

This is probably the largest category of wedding lore and custom. So many of the modern wedding traditions are something old (though in the context of the aphorism, it more properly refers to a wedding gift or momento passed on from a married relative, in the belief that this success would "rub off"). Among the oldest of these traditions is the carrying of a bride across the threshold. Though apparently quaint and charming, the practice originated in the "pre-civilized" era when various amorous fellows took mates by raiding and plundering the women of other tribes. This original threshold crossing was more akin to bringing home a bound deer, slung over the shoulder. This practice also gave rise to the honeymoon; after the abduction, the "bridegroom" would find a suitable hiding spot as understandably enraged members of the woman's previous tribe searched for her. This period would typically last for a month 'til the pursuers gave up and went home. During this lunar cycle, the man would be wooing his "intended" via a mead-like alcoholic beverage made with honey, thus the term we still use today. Another famous tradition, the best man, is alleged to have begun at that time, as the randy hunter of women would bring along a chum for some backup in case things got ugly with the tribe being robbed. Later, as more defined rituals grew to surround the ceremony, the best man was part of the ceremony in order to prevent kidnappers from taking back their women (and not, as is currently supposed, just to supply liquor to the groom and encourage his fleeing to Mexico). In a related note, the reason a groom stands on the right side is to keep his sword hand free to draw iron on any would-be interlopers! As the concept of marriage developed and civilized, the tribes from the man and woman's families were seated on opposite sides during the ceremony, in order to prevent bloodshed 'til this new alliance became complete.

As time went on, the plunderous form of matrimony gave way to a more barter based system, with each party giving and receiving value. This gave rise to the dowry concept, with the man's providing some substantial manifestation of wealth in "trade" for a daughter's hand. (The concept of the wedding shower is credited to the Dutch as a way that women could still start a home with their beloved, gifts being showered upon her, even if the man was without means to provide a dowry.) This dowry idea was much in keeping with the era's notions regarding women as property, as noted above; such familiar items as the ring and the veil were meant as symbols that this "chattel" was previously spoken for. Many families would strategize about marriage as their one shot at a decent life in an otherwise pitiless age; according to one medieval scholar commenting on this type of arrangement, "To marry for love without land or chattels could assure nothing but a life of penury."

Eventually, the ring came to symbolize the unending nature of love that has no beginning and no end (an Egyptian concept), and the veil (in ancient Greece they were yellow, in Rome, red) took on a more decorative aspect, much in keeping with Victorian notions of the demure and humble bride. Another interesting fact about rings is their placement; the third finger on the left hand was chosen based on the Roman belief that this finger was connected directly to the heart by the "vena amoris," or vein of love. Originally made of hemp or other material, the ring eventually came to be fashioned from gold and crowned with various precious stones, occasionally arranged so that the first letter of each stone's name made up the beloved's name, making jewelers very happy. Gimmal rings are made of three separate parts which get joined as the bride's ring on the wedding day; during the engagement, one is worn by the groom, the other the bride and the third by a witness. ----------->